


Sacrifice

by Happy_Smiling_Things



Category: A Court of Thorns and Roses Series - Sarah J. Maas
Genre: Angst, F/M, Nessian - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-25
Updated: 2019-06-28
Packaged: 2020-05-19 12:33:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,845
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19357111
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Happy_Smiling_Things/pseuds/Happy_Smiling_Things
Summary: Velaris is attacked, and bad things happen.





	1. Chapter 1

Cassian was giving his all on this battlefield, his siphons bright red as he was slaying every enemy coming his way. This attack was a complete surprise, so long after they had won against Hybern, and no one was prepared for it. Of course, Rhysand and all the Inner Circle knew there were some people out there who weren’t done trying to defeat them, but none of them had expected such a strong opponent.   
Swirling his sword expertly, Cassian scanned his surroundings quickly, observing Illyrians fighting everywhere, some on earth, some in the sky. An arrow pierced his calf and he groaned, his eyes narrowing to find the one who had shot at him. It didn’t take more than a few seconds for Cassian to find and kill his target, wiping the blood from his face, taking a few breaths.  
They were doing good but it wasn’t enough, and the Lord of Bloodshed shouted his orders to those near enough to hear him before trying to reach for Nesta through their bond, tugging at it, calling her.  
 _“Is everything okay in town?”_ He asked.  
Adrenaline was pulsing through him, making it difficult for him to wait for an answer. He had left the others in Velaris to make sure their people would be safe, guiding the Night Court’s army in first line so only a few warriors would be able to pass through his lines and attack the city, where Azriel and Rhysand were waiting for them with Amren and Mor. Feyre was winnowing everywhere she was needed, guiding the crowds onto safe places. Elain had volunteer to take care of the injured with their healers, and Nesta was left in their house, protecting the children.  
 _“Nesta, answer me!”_ Cassian insisted, tugging harder in the bond.  
 _“Focus on the battle, you stupid bat!”_ She shouted back, and he had never felt so glad to be insulted by her.  
His relief was short. Turning his head back into the battle, Cassian discovered new squadrons flying toward Velaris, avoiding him and the battlefield to go directly to the city. Opening his mind so Rhys could be informed of what was coming, he clenched his sword tighter and went back to war, letting his rage explode.  
Lost in the battle, he let his instincts take the lead in a macabre dance, slaughtering anyone getting too close without a second thought, trying to reduce the number of warriors going to the city. Things were finally starting to calm down for him when he heard piercing cries behind him.  
Some of the assailants were falling like the rain in the Sidra, but some were flying over their defenses and were attacking the people Feyre hadn’t succeed to hide inside shops and houses yet.  
“Make everything you can not to let too many soldiers pass,” Cassian ordered before spreading his wings and taking off to the sky.   
Flying through several salves of arrows, the Illyrian warrior made sure to take down as much enemies as he could on his way to Velaris, going full speed to help his family. They seemed to contain the squadrons coming directly at them, but some smarter soldiers were flying on the east-side of the city, where no one was.  
Landing brutally on a street where some civilians were encircled by four lesser faes ready to murder everyone, Cassian rolled his shoulders and played a bit with his sword, whistling at them.  
“Hey, why don’t you come here so we can have some real fun?” He said, his eyes on the woman holding a baby in her arms, indicating the nearest door with a movement of his head.  
The four warriors smirked and directed their weapons toward him, one of them even laughing before launching himself on Cassian. The fighting had ended before it could really begin, the four corpses laying in the pavement as the Illyrian was running toward another scream, making his way down the streets to help as much as he could.  
 _“Be careful sweetheart, some of them are in the streets,”_ he sent down the bond to Nesta.  
 _“Don’t worry about me, I’m fine, everyone’s fine in the house, the kids are safe-”_  
Cassian stopped dead, his breath short as a wave of panic came through him. Something was wrong, he could feel it, and he needed to be by Nesta’s side as soon as possible.  
 _“Nesta? What’s happening?”_  
He tugged as hard as he could on their bond as he was making his way up to their house, slaying everyone getting on his way. He couldn’t think straight by the time he crossed the Sidra, all of his thoughts turned on Nesta, and it was only then that he realized everything was… calm. No one was flying or fighting anymore, the street suddenly silent.   
The battle was over.  
 _“It’s over Nes, I’m coming to you, don’t open the door until I’m here.”_  
Walking quicker, keeping his guard up in case anyone was hidden and ready to attack him, Cassian tried again and again to reach for Nesta, is anxiety getting heavier every second passing without any answer.  
“You! Come over here, I have a message for you.”  
Turning his head over the fae casually leaning against a wall, Cassian settled his hand on the guard of his sword, slowly approaching.  
“Shouldn’t you be fleeing for your life right now?” he asked with fake casualness.  
“Flee? But why?”  
He started playing with a knife, throwing it in the air and balancing it on his fingers, and Cassian furrowed his eyebrows.  
“You lost,” he stated, “the Night Court won this battle, so you should go to your commander and tell them-”  
“It hasn’t happened yet, does it?” the fae interrupted him with a smile. “No, I’m pretty sure she’s still alive for now, or you wouldn’t be here.”  
“What are you-”  
Cassian’s breath caught up in his chest as pain won him over, making his vision blurry. He stumbled onto the wall near his strange interlocutor and put one hand over his heart, trying to understand what was happening. He felt like he was dying from the inside, a hole digging further and further in his chest with every breath he was trying to take. Darkness was spreading inside him, nothingness replacing that part of him that had come to life when Nesta and he…  
Nesta.  
“Silly, arrogant Night Court,” laughed the warrior. “The aim of that mission wasn’t to invade Velaris. You, Cassian, mighty Lord of Bloodshed, were our target, and we aimed straight to your biggest weakness.”  
Roaring, Cassian jumped on the fae, snapping his neck before he could say another word. He tried to tug at the bond, but there was… nothing. It felt like their bond had been cut, which would meant…  
Cassian took off so abruptly the floor smashed under his feet, and he flew as fast as he could to their house.  
Rhysand and Azriel were already there, standing in front of the door, contemplating at the dead bodies of several enemies before the house. They both looked fine physically, apart from some cuts and light bruises, but nothing too serious. Morally though, they looked defeated. None of his brothers dared to look at him as he rushed to them, putting his hands on their shoulders to move them away.  
“Cassian,” began Rhys, putting an arm around his torso to hold him back, “we’re here for you, you’re not alone-”  
“Shut up and let me enter in my house!” He yelled. “I need to see her, I can’t feel her through our bond, she needs me...”  
Cassian pushed harder and Azriel tried to help Rhysand to stop him from going inside, but the fear and anger gave their brother the strength to push them away, and he kicked the door open.  
Amren was resting against the wall, arms crossed, her head turned toward the window, but her eyes were looking on the floor. Mor was no where to be seen, and Elain was seating on the floor next to Feyre, both of them turning their back on him, blocking the view. He could hear them crying.  
Amren sighed and walked to Cassian, putting a hand on his arm.  
“I am sorry, Cassian.” She said before looking over her shoulder. “We arrived a minute before you, but it was too late.”  
“Where are the children? What happened to her?” He whispered, his voice breaking at the end of his question, the truth finally piercing his cloudy mind.  
The void inside him was growing bigger and bigger with every heartbeat, threatening to swallow him entirely.   
“Mor is taking care of them, they’re safe.”   
She didn’t answer his second question, moving aside so he could walk further into the room. Taking the few steps between him and the Archeron sisters, he let out a choked sob before falling on the ground, his knees hitting the surface as he stretched a hand to Nesta’s face. A tear had rolled on her cheek, and he wiped it with his thumb before putting his forehead on hers, his muffled cries filling the room. He barely registered Mor going out of the house with the two babies in her arms as he cradled his mate’s body in his arms, letting out a cry of pain that could be heard in all Velaris, swearing he would chase down those who were responsible for her death.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A few years after Nesta’s death, Cassian is left with their daughter, who’s becoming more like her mother everyday passing…

It had been seven years now.  
Seven years since Nesta had been taken away from him, from them, and it still hurt like day one.  
There were some days when he wished he would have been the one to die during the attack, so Nesta could still be here and live in peace with her sisters and their daughter. She deserved that happiness. She should have been able to taste this life, if only he hadn’t been away from her during the battle, if only he had stayed with her in the house to protect the children, if only…  
“Cassian, are you with us?” Asked Feyre, interrupting the trail of his thoughts.  
“Sure I’m here, and I’m starving!”  
He tried to smile, but a hint of sadness was still visible in his eyes, and Feyre caught it. It had never left his eyes since that day.  
“Come on then, everyone’s waiting for you.”  
She took him by the arm and lead him to the table, letting him sit next to Rhys so they could all star to eat. Every year on that day, they would gather and spend the day all together in Townhouse in memory of Nesta to remember that family was what’s the most important. They would spend the day without talking about politics, just being around each other, enjoying the chance they were given to live and enjoy the peace they had fought for.  
Once everyone was here, Rhysand got up and raised his glass, putting his other hand on his brother’s shoulder.  
“Let’s celebrate the chance we have to be together, and remember the fallen ones.”  
Everyone raised their glass and took a sip, but the wine tasted bitter on Cassian’s tongue.  
The family then started to talk, telling the others stories, laughing with the children who were chatting at the end of the table. Everything was getting by just fine, but seeing Feyre and Rhysand together and happy just made Cassian’s heart clench and ache.  
He tried, really, but he wasn’t in the mood. That day was the worst every year, the hole in his chest becoming deeper and deeper as time passed.  
Excusing himself when everything became too much for him, he walked out of the living room and fled upstairs, ignoring his brothers’ call. He climbed the stairs quickly, looking for a quiet place to let out without having his family worrying about him.  
Finally finding a balcony, he stopped and stared at the city and mountains in front of him, his thoughts all messy, his wings hanging loosely on his back, almost touching the ground.   
The sky was beautiful today, the sun slowly setting on the horizon, blue tinted with soft oranges. Everything was so soft, and quiet…   
“Damn, I promised I would not break down today,” he murmured to himself, doing his best to hold the tears back.  
Pushing his hands on the balustrade, Cassian straightened up as much as he could at the moment, holding his chin high as she would have done it, and he took a few deep breaths.  
“Time passes by rather slowly without you here sweetheart,” he started. “We all try to go by, we’ve done a pretty good job here in Velaris, rebuilding and healing people who could be healed. I know I’ve already told you those things, and you’re probably bored with me telling you that again, I’m sorry. I’m still working on the Illyrians female’s case, and things are going better. Nothing super huge for now, but we’re progressing.”  
Sighing as a light wind ruffled his hair, he took in the streets and shops, the couples and families walking down the streets, smiling and laughing.  
“Our daughter is growing up so fast Nes. She’s just like you, with a sharp tongue and a quick mind for a seven-year-old. Two days ago I had to take her book away because she was still reading in the middle of the night.”  
Cassian smiled at that, remembering the scandalized face her daughter had made when he had taken the book under his arm and switched off the light, ordering her to sleep. She had tried to bargain a bit, stubborn as she was, but had gotten under her covers nevertheless.  
And just as he was starting to feel better, an image flashed in his mind, showing him what it could have been if Nesta hadn’t died this day. He saw her smiling as she would have entered the room, discovering their little girl reading, her eyebrows furrowed from the concentration. She wouldn’t have told her, but she would’ve been proud of her and pleased to share something she loved with her daughter. She would’ve sat on the bed and gently grabbed at the book as he would’ve watched from the door with a smile on his face.  
He tried to force the fantasy out, but the images kept rolling faster and faster, asphyxiating him. They kept passing until he started to cry, the life they could’ve lived breaking his heart a bit more than it already was.   
“Fuck, I wish you could be here with us, with me. I miss you so much, you have no idea,” He chocked up. “Everyday it’s getting worse and worse, I keep waking up hoping you’ll be here in my arms, I still smell your perfume and hear your voice every now and then. There’s not a day I don’t think about you Nesta, there are nights when I can’t sleep, and all I can see is you laying on the floor, blood all around.”  
Running his hands on his hair to try to calm down, Cassian felt his wings quivering. He needed to stop, his family was downstairs and now was not the time to fall apart.   
Pacing on the balcony, he willed himself to stop crying, breathing in and out slowly. His friends were here, his family, his daughter, and he needed to be fine for them. He needed to get it back together, if only for Nesta who didn’t have the opportunity to enjoy peace and love long enough. He had to to this for them both, and he had to be okay for their little girl.  
Cassian stayed there a bit more to completely calm himself, letting the warm wind soothe him. Wiping the last tears off, he got back inside, head down. Walking down the corridor, something caught his eyes when he glanced through an open door.  
Entering the room, he stopped dead before the painting, unable to breath. The golden-brown hair, the blue-grey eyes…  
“I’m not completely done with it.”  
Jumping a bit, Cassian turned around to face Feyre, a little smile on her face as she pushed the door and walked next to him, observing the portrait she had painted of her sister with the same sadness he always seemed to carry.  
“When did you start?” He asked.  
“A few months ago. One day I just sat there and started it, but it was too much, so I stopped. Every time I try to work on it, I find myself thinking about her and the last conversation I’ve had with her, and I just...”  
Cassian nodded, knowing exactly what she was talking about.  
“I know it’s been hard for your lately Cass, it’s been complicated for me too, believe me. I understand your pain, but you need to get up, if only for your daughter, she needs her dad to be here for her...”  
“You don’t know what you’re talking about,” he said with a hoarse voice. “You don’t know what I’ve been living for the last seven years. You have Rhysand, and you two are living a fairy tale with your son, so don’t tell me you understand my pain. I lost my mate Feyre! I lost half of myself when she died, and you don’t know what it feels like!”  
“I lost my sister Cassian!” Feyre snapped, eyes full of tears.  
She clenched her shaking fists, and for a few seconds he thought she was going to punch him. He wouldn’t have stopped her if she did, and he hated himself for pouring his anger on her when she was trying to help.  
A few seconds passed by in silent before he lowered his eyes, feeling ashamed.  
“You’re right, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have say that. Forgive me please.”  
Feyre let out a shaky breath before nodding, looking at the painting as she was calmed down.  
“There’s not a day I don’t think about her,” she whispered.  
“Me too. I still see her in my dreams when I can sleep, and I talk to her to let her know we’re all fine and working on things to make sure she’s not dead in vain.”  
“I sometime think about how life would have been if she was still here, but it’s only making things worse. I know it’s easier said than done, but we have to focus on the present and the future now. She left us a beautiful gift, and it’s our duty to take care of that, to make sure your daughter will get a happy life. She’s worth living for, fighting for, so do it for her Cass.”  
Turning his head to face his friend, he acquiesced and she took him in her arms, holding him tight before stepping back, brushing off a tear rolling down his cheek.  
“I’m sure she would have been proud of the loving father you are,” she smiled before walking to the door. “Now take a breath and come back to us.”  
Cassian gave her a tentative smile, and before she could be out, a little storm rushed in.  
“I found you!”  
He laughed, looking at his daughter wrapped around his leg with a big smile spreading on her lips. Bending over to take her in his arms, he searched for a chair to seat with her.  
“You were looking for me sweetheart?” He asked.  
“Uncle Az made his siphons glow, and I told him I preferred yours because red is better than blue, and uncle Rhys said you couldn’t make yours glow, and I told him it was not true, because I had already seen them bright!”  
“Remember the first lesson I taught you?”  
“Never trust what uncle Rhys tells you,” she recited perfectly.  
Cassian smiled at that and kissed he forehead, gently brushing her hair out of her face. The little girl watched him carefully, her eyes locked in his, and she frowned.  
“Why did you cry daddy?”  
“I was feeling a bit sad, but I’m fine, don’t worry.” He answered, knowing better than lying to her.  
“Why were you sad?”   
“Because I miss mom.”  
“Mom wouldn’t want you to be sad.”  
He chuckled, thinking about how Nesta would’ve snapped at him for weeping like that.  
“No she wouldn’t.”  
The little girl nodded and looked around, her eyes caught by the painting. She stared at it in owe, letting her head go against Cassian’s chest.   
“Aunt Feyre painted this?”  
“Yes,” he murmured, adjusting his position on the chair to get more comfortable.  
“She’s really talented. Do you think she will say yes if I ask her to teach me how to paint?”  
“I’m sure she would love to.”  
She nodded and got her attention back on the painting, studying it silently.  
“Mom is the most beautiful mom ever,” she told with pride in her voice.  
“Yes she is, and you’re just as beautiful as her. You have her bright eyes, golden hair and high cheeks.”   
“Aunt Amren said I’m as stubborn as her,” she added with an amused look on her face.  
“Sure you are,” Cassian responded with a laugh. “And you are just as ticklish as her.”  
Grinning at his daughter, he started tickling her, his smile growing wider as she started to wriggle in his arms, trying to escape him.  
“Stop daddy!” she giggled, putting her little hands on his face as he hugged her and tried to kiss he cheeks.  
Cassian straightened up on the chair and let her breath, enjoying the feeling of happiness warming his chest a little. When she finally calmed down, she turned around to face him and patted his arm to get his attention.  
“What is it?” He said.  
“Can you do my hair like mommy on the painting please?”  
“I can try if you want.”  
The little girl straightened up and went still as Cassian started to comb out her hair with his fingers, gently working with the strands. They continued to talk while he braided her hair, making a crown out of it just like Nesta used to. He savored the moment spent with his little princess, listening carefully as she was telling him some story about her and her cousin trying to train like Rhys and Az. Those moments were his favorite, for they kept reminding him the world still had good things to offer.  
“Here,” he said, putting a rebel strand of hair behind her ear.   
“Thank you dad!” she exclaimed before hugging him.  
“You’re welcome.”  
Cassian hugged her back, careful not to hold her too tight before getting up, keeping her in his arms.  
“We have to go down now,” she instructed.” Aunt Elain promised me she would make me a crown of flowers, and I want everyone to see my hair!”  
“A crown of flowers? I’m sure you’re going to look amazing.”  
“Yes! And there’s a chocolate cake for dessert, so we have to hurry before there’s nothing left!”  
Letting out a soft laugh, Cassian walked out the room, glancing one last time at the painting, smiling before closing the door, heading toward the stairs.  
“You’re right sweetheart, we’d better hurry before uncle Rhys eat all the cake.”


End file.
